being alive & living: the art between both worlds

There was the concept of staying alive and the joy of living, the art of creating and the tragedy of destroying. It still lives amongst us where we are grown up to believe that we have to follow certain rules and live a transparent life, where questioning things too much isn’t acceptable; we have to “play it safe”. I think that this is where the fear of trying new things has come to live with us. Whatever emotion it is that’s holding us back, it has grown to become really comfortable, and so being out there is not something that we are accustomed to be doing. However, I can only speak for myself and I can admit that I’ve been following along these same patterns. I’ve started to become more and more aware of it, and I realized how many opportunities it has consumed in my daily life.


Lately, I’ve been pulling my own strings in order to start feeling more motivated towards what I love to do. In the past month, I’ve realized that it’s easy to say that you’re passionate about something but that doesn’t mean that it can never be taken away from you. Sometimes you get pulled away from them because you bear in mind that those things represent you so even if you are not working with what passionates you, it would always remain by your side since it has become part of you. How very wrong I was. The more I kept telling myself that,  I was being pulled further away from things that I once did so well. Truth is, when you do things with passion, you accomplish them quicker and you feel proud about them but I no longer abided by those rules so all that was thrown down a drain.


There were some things like reading that was so hard to do at some point. Mind you, I’m someone who’s been committed to reading for a couple of years and realizing that I was stuck on the same book for a month was a shocker to me. Instead, I was using my phone way more than I used to. After checking the screen time on my phone, I actually could not believe that it was true. I went from using my phone for 5 hours on an average (which is a lot for me) to over 9 hours per day! Isn’t that crazy? I was certainly so taken aback by it. I preferred to play video games rather than actually communicating with people and prevented me from creating conversations, working on projects that I actually had all planned out but I wasn’t pushing myself forward in order to make it happen, and just do things in general that would actually get me somewhere. I wasn’t living, you see. I thought if I walked along the path with the mindset of just “going through it every day”, I’d be okay.


Turns out, it was the COMPLETE opposite of that. Being alive was… sad. In the end, what is the point of being here if you don’t create a purpose for yourself? Don’t misunderstand it with people giving purpose to you because only you can grab onto it. No one else. It’s SO easy to be blind sighted with what truly matters – Hell, even I got influenced by it! However, thinking about all the time that you’ve lost is never going to change anything or make things better which is why I also decided to do that and try to change the things I do have control over. I’ve heard this famous quote which interprets that time is one thing that you cannot change. I agreed with it for a while until I started to question it. How can you not control time? The “Now” moment is the only thing you do have control over, so what are YOU going to do about it?


I made a commitment to myself and I stuck to it this past week. I started to keep my phone away from me which was the biggest distraction that I had pointed out first thing. I went from 5 to 9 hours of using my phone to around an hour per day! I’m literally so proud of myself *literally pats herself on the back while writing this* I encourage you all to try to do this. Whatever it is that’s distracting you the most, avoid it at all cost and keep telling yourself that you need to accomplish more goals. Start living. Every day is the right time. Not next week, not next month, or next year, but right at this moment.


Here’s to April; a new beginning for all of us.

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